I wish I could tell you it gets better,
but it doesn't get better.
You get better.
in the end
(von Instagram: liveinthedetails)
what you keep trying
to give everybody else.
In the end— hell, in the beginning— she just wants to be loved. She wants a heart who knows how to love her completely. Totally. Unfailingly. Who grows with her and walks in the same direction, next her, in this life. No chasing. No lagging behind. Just next to her. She wants the kind of love that allows herself to be vulnerable and insecure— a kind that draws strength and courage from that someone who loves her. Someone who encourages her to love all those things she hasn’t yet learned to love about herself. She’s always wondered why that’s so rare.
I mean, walking through this life year after year, it is truly—rare— to find those other souls who have the power to inspire her to be herself. A love that has the power to show weakness.
She’s always tried to be that person for others. Loving completely. Trusting implicitly. She has looked at what others consider flaws as endearing. She’s encouraged and hoped and believed. She has forgiven. Yes— that girl has walked through this life with her heart on her sleeve and her hands free of yesterday. And she has waited for that kind of love to find her. And it will find her. She knows that. And along the way, she accepts fully that she’ll be broken— she’s not naive, she knows how this world works. But she also knows that eventually, all the broken hearts are worth it. Because one day, she’ll find the heart that shows her the kind of love she has spent a lifetime giving to everyone else. So that is what she will wait for.
Ich glaube inzwischen an Sonnenaufgänge nach Nächten.
Man sieht sie ohne Scheuklappen auch viel besser.
schriebst du mal.
flying the kite
strings too tight
then my darling
it just won't fly.
it takes a gentle hand
to hold a kite
against the sky.
the winds will pull
the rains will drench
will threaten flight
so learn to use the wind for lift
and leverage storms for light
a delicate balance
of letting go
without holding on
fighting the wind
and just letting the sky
fly the kite.
chapter and story // von Instagram: liveinthedetails
"that was your chapter.
but this is my story."
Here's the thing about chapters. When you're writing them, you tend to get too close. Your perspective becomes about detail. About how just those few pages play out. How they start and end. And a little bit about what happens in the middle. And you start to think that those few pages - those few people and experiences and stories that start in that one chapter - have the power to alter everything. And maybe in some ways they do. But not like you'd think. You're going to think when you're in the middle of a chapter that everything needs to be fixed by the end. That all your questions need answers and all the ends need beginnings and all the people need to stay. Darling, they don't. And truth? They won't.
Because here's the thing. This is - just - a piece of your story. It's not your story. And this part that you're writing now - even though every single part of you may be getting lost in the details of this one chapter - is going to work out. It is.
But you're going to need to give it time to fit. And you're going to need to keep writing. And most importantly, you're going to need to trust yourself. Because you're the author. And you choose what happens after this part. Write people in, or write them out. Change your direction or your mind. Make things right. Go back. Move forward. Darling - do what you need to do. And that's the beautiful part about it. You can change everything. Or nothing.
Yes, you made a mistake. Or had wild success. You lost something you can't even fathom living without. You loved someone. Your heart was broken. You trusted the wrong person. Or the right one. You were careless or hurtful or wrong. You were happy or wild or free. Yes, that is life. And it's beautiful how the pieces start to fit.
But that was a chapter. And this is a book. And darling, what you do with it now is what defines your story. Write it well, sweet soul. Write it well.
"and maybe she had to walk this stretch alone
just so she could prove to her heart that she could."
Maybe this chapter was supposed to be about her. And just her. A chapter where, instead of searching for a heart and wanting to hold a hand - she was supposed to just explore. Explore this life and herself. What she wanted. What she didn't. Maybe she was supposed to listen only to her footsteps and her heartbeat and get them to match up. Again. Or for the first time.
She started to think we all have a few of these chapters in our great book. Sprinkled throughout the big love and the crazy heartbreak and the accomplishments and loss - they pop up. Almost like glue between the other, seemingly more important chapters. The ones we read over and over and over. But these ones - maybe they are just as important. Where the days and the weeks seem to blend together because they feel all the same. There are no crazy highs and no crazy lows. It's just - balanced. A chapter of equilibrium. Calm.
And she started to love these glue chapters - because they did two things for her. Those simple footsteps on a calm, straight path - they let her rest. From the chaos and fury of the past. And equally as important - they let her learn. Who she was now. Because she most certainly wasn't the same girl anymore. She never was - because this life was always shaping her and growing her. And these chapters were how she got to know herself again. She could take the time to explore her new heart and see with her new eyes. And maybe that's what these chapters were all about. Walking a stretch of life alone. Just so she could prove to her heart that she could.
this is just the middle.
not the end.
I know— you want to know, right? You want to know when and how and where. You thrive on those details. You always have. You like to know things— to plan— to be able to expect what’s coming. And be prepared. And that’s why this chapter has been the hardest for you. Because there are more things you don’t know than things you do. More questions than answers. More loose ends than ends that have been tied up nicely by the forces of the universe.
Oh, darling— I think you need to rename this chapter of your life. Right now you think it’s just a quiet chapter— one where nothing extraordinarily good or bad happens. Ok, well that’s good too. But how about you look at it as your balance chapter. Your rebuilding chapter. The one that strengthens you without the storms raging around you. The one that gives you enough time to think— about all those things that have happened and are happening and might happen. Darling, why don’t you just let this be the time of untying? You have a lot of knots from those last few chapters, don’t you? So rather than figuring out what’s coming next— and when— how about you just focus on you? And making sure you can stand tall and walk straight into a future you deserve— and are ready for— without those knots pulling you back into a past you no longer belong in. It’s alright to live this part without knowing, sweet soul. Because this is just the middle. It’s most definitely not the end.
and she'll become one hundred times
the woman she was.
Love her by giving her room. To grow. To change. By giving her the courage to believe in herself and her ability to walk on her own two feet. To any damn destination she sets her heart on. Love her by letting her be so, so much more than just yours.
your heart will be
as sure as your footsteps.
(...) We all feel like to one could possibly understand what we're struggling with - no one could ever slip our shoes on and walk painlessly and effortlessly on our roads.
We all face the darkness and feel like we're the last one on this earth that doesn't have someone to love. That hasn't had their life come together just yet. That just can't stop making mistakes that spiral a life further and further out of control. (...)
We live this life on a seesaw - constantly up and down and never quite at an equilibrium that lasts as long as we wish. We're always a little off balance - at the whim of the ambiguous and faceless force at work on the other side. (...)
But move forward, sweet soul. Because one day, your heart will be as sure as your footsteps. And one day, it's all going to make sense. And one day, you're going to get those answers. But until then, keep walking, darling. Always forward.